Jabez Wishbone, J.D., Esquire
Junior T. Wishbone, J.D., Esquire
Prunella Throckmorton, J.D., Eqsuiress
444 West Main Street, Room #10
Madison, WI 53703
November 18, 1977

 

Dear Sir or Madam:

The firm of Wishbone, Wishbone & Throckmorton has been retained by the Sierra Club to conduct the 1978 presentation of the coveted "Douglas W. Scott - Jonathan P. Ela Ladybug Award." It will be recalled that this high distinction is awarded to that member of the Sierra Club conservation staff who in the line of duty commits the act best calculated by its injudiciousness, indiscretion, tactlessness or other outstanding qualities to cause outrage to swell within the breast(s) of one or more of the Club's volunteer leaders. At present the award is held by Patricia S. Record, who on January 18, 1976, managed to arrive 2.5 hours late for a Sunday morning session of the Midwest Regional Conservation Committee, thus neatly missing nearly every agenda item for which she had responsibility: though in itself a simple act, only marginally deserving recognition, Chairman Williams' classic repetition of the refrain "Trish was going to comment on this, but I guess she hasn't arrived yet," with the associated puzzled craning of necks by everyone in the room, elevated Ms. Record's accomplishment into the Ladybug League.

The rules of the competition are as follows:

  1. The award will be given in January, 1978, at the conservation staff meeting.

  2. Citations will be given to the winners of three separate divisions:
 
  1. The "Who are you calling a dilettante, Buddy?" Division, for indiscreet or otherwise offensive comments made in writing;

  2. The "Why Scoop, I didn't see you standing there.'" Division, for spoken comments of a similar nature;

  3. The Washington Hilton Glassware Division, for non-verbal spectacle, carelessness or jackassery. All outrages not specifically verbal in nature fall into this comprehensive division.

A winner and a runner-up for each division will be selected by our firm prior to the staff meeting, and these winners and runners-up will be announced the evening of the Ladybug Award Pageant.

  1. Participants in the Pageant, led by the six divisional winners and runners-up will have the opportunity to reenact each of these six stirring championship events through pantomime, dramatic oration, psycho-drama, or other technique.

  2. At the end of the evening, those participants still sentient will themselves, by secret ballot, select the 1978 DWS-JPE Ladybug Award winner from among the divisional winners and runners-up. The grand winner shall hold the award at his or her office until the next presentation, presumably in January, 1979.

  3. Note that the award winning incident must involve a staff-volunteer relationship. Other activities, such as having one's fly stick in the down (open) position during a White House banquet, may be meritorious and deserving of recognition, but they do not qualify for the Bug.

  4. The names of persons making nominations will be held in strictest confidence by the firm of Wishbone, Wishbone & Throckmorton.

  5. Nominations should be documented to the fullest extent possible: photographs, tape recordings, photo-copies, little bits of underwear, and so forth will be gleefully received by W,W&T.

  6. Nominations should be sent to the firm at the above address. We encourage each person to send on as many nominations as he or she wishes.

Thank you all for your cooperation.

 

PS: It has been suggested that, in. addition to the Ladybug Award Pageant, there be an "exploding Toes Pageant" one evening of the staff meeting. This might involve a play reading, dance marathon, recitation of racy passages from Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason or whatever: any suggestions?