CLAW History:
A Responsive Reading

They were at first but few, and they did go to Omps, West Virginia. But it was from these few, and in particular from Brother Ela, that that which brings us together was formed. And they called it by its name.

CONSERVATION LABORERS AGAINST WRONG

The only labor union you'll ever really need or want. And it has been known by its acronym, which is Spoken with upraised arm and crooked hand as so.

CLAW

I can't hear you!

CLAW!!

And CLAW rendered unto itself the commemoration of worthy or at least notorious deeds among its members. And those deeds are recounted at CLAW meetings, and awards for same are bestowed unto those so deserving.

WHAT ABOUT THE LADYBUGS?

Patience, my children. And it came to pass that there was a meeting of the Board of Directors, and outside was a pool. And in that pool were floating objects.

AND THEY WERE LADYBUGS

Aye, verily. And it came to pass that some of these ladybugs had succumbed to the rigors of their chlorinated environment and they were six legs skyward. But others were valiantly struggling from Neptune's clutches, yet were so waterladen that they could not break their bondage and take wing.

OH, WOULDN'T ANYONE HELP THEM?!

Yea, and their supplications were answered by the staff

[TRUMPET SOUNDS]

...who wandered outside to seek relief from the tedium and found new purpose in rescuing the ladybugs with fingers, sticks and rolled up copies of the agenda. And as the rescued ladybugs were placed on shore, dried out, recovered and then took flight, did loud cheers utter from the mouths of the rescuers.

THEY DID IT, AS JOHN MUIR WOULD HAVE THEM

Let it be known that these actions did not go unnoticed by the others at the meeting. Nay, they were done in direct sight of the entire Board of Directors, yet behind the back of the Executive Director and other most senior management. And it was considered by some to be bad.

[OOOOOOH]

And it came to pass that a memo was handed down rebuking those staff, for they had brought insult upon the volunteer leaders of the Club and to themselves, and their colleagues suffered great embarrassment at their hands. Yet they had done their deeds while pursuing their commitment to the Earth, it's creatures and the Sierra Club. So that all people shall know of these events as they truly happened, CLAW did create an award.

THE LADYBUG AWARD

And to this day it is awarded to those who commit grave insult to Club volunteers and degrade their professional standing therewith. But it is without malice that these deeds are done. Indeed, it is in the performance of our duties and in diligent pursuit of the Sierra Club's mission in which these deeds are rendered.

STRESS AND SUGAR MAKE US DO IT

And the Ladybug Award was rendered asunder into divisions. And the first was done in memory of Brother Ela. II was before a large group at the Washington Hilton that Brother Ela did cause a vast and carefully crafted stack of fine crystal glasses to crumble, as the walls of Jericho, while speaking unto many and not watching whereon he placed his hand. And for this visual assault a Ladybug division was named.

THE WASHINGTON HILTON GLASSWARE DIVISION

And it came to pass that Brother Scott was seated in a Washington restaurant, and was speaking unto his table great malice about Senator Henry Jackson in regard to the Alaska Lands Act. And it came to pass that Senator Jackson's staff was seated nearby and heard much of what was said and did leave and tell their boss. And it was not until personal supplications by our executive director, who journeyed from the far West, was the Club allowed to pass the Senator's threshold again. And for this verbal gaffe there is a division of the Ladybug award.

THE WHY, SCOOP, I DIDN'T SEE YOU STANDING THERE AWARD

And there is yet one more. And it is again for Brother Ela, who did refer to a volunteer leader as a "dilettante" in a memo to a fellow staff members, but which was without Providence placed in said volunteer's mailbox. And for this type of written insult there is also a Ladybug division.

THE DILETTANTE DIVISION

And each year brings new opportunities for such awards and for others. And it is to these purposes that we join together as one to upbraid and to commemorate our brethren and sistern.

AND SO IT SHALL BE FOREVER, SO HELP US CLAW

And now, with the power invested in the Grand Poobah, and that which I may yield to myself, as a humble servant of CLAW, I command the Venerable Grand Marshall to present the Novitiates for the sacred CLAW induction ceremony.